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The Basics
Show, Don't Tell
Show, Don't Tell.
Yeah, that sounds easy, but what, exactly, does show mean?
Let's look at an
example: Carey ate breakfast, then
he took a shower and went to the
store. At the store he met a girl and they talked for a long time.
Carey liked her but she blew him off. Then he went home.
Tells you a lot about
Carey, huh? Okay, so
this example is really exaggerated, but it hits
home the necessity of showing and not telling. What can we do to fix
it? We need more detail, especially dialogue and action. Consider:
Carey
studied the
frozen dinners. He'd had turkey and dressing for the last four days, so
salisbury steak would be good for a change. But did he want the Big
Man's or the regular?
A
scent teased his
nose. Not the overwhelming smell of fish and frostbite, but a fresh
smell, like the smell of skin just out of the shower. He glanced
sideways and saw the most perfect arm he'd ever seen in his life. Long,
slender, graceful, full of sinewy muscle and smooth skin. His eyes
followed the arm to the shoulder and then the head. Her head. A head
covered with long blond hair and containing a face that made his heart
stop.
"Hi,"
she said, her
voice rich and melodious.
Carey's
mouth didn't
work. He tried to return her greeting, but only a grunt came out. He
tried to smile politely, but his face erupted with a grin as large and
toothy and goofy as a cartoon character's . . .
So now you have the
idea. We need details. We need to know thoughts, feelings; we need to
smell the perfume, taste the wine, feel the cashmere. Anything less
cheats the reader from experiencing our imaginary world.
We also get into the
"show, don't tell" problem in less apparent ways. For example, in
description. Mary was a pretty girl,
with blue eyes and blond hair.
This is telling. Consider showing her beautiful qualities: Mary's blue
eyes glistened with joy, her blond hair bouncing with each step.
Instead of saying Molly is a wonderful
person, say Molly is always
there when anyone
needs her. She's the first to arrive with a casserole when someone is
sick, the first to send a note of encouragement to those who are
troubled, the first to offer a hug to anyone, man, woman or child at anytime.
Instead of saying Sam
is a talented musician, let us hear the crowds cheer, let us feel his
passion. Take us into his head as he strokes the piano keys:
Consummation
of the
soul. That's what Sam called the gratification he received from music.
When his passion became so intense it begged for satisfaction, pleaded
for release, he was helpless to resist its urges. When his fingers
assumed a life of their own, titillating the ivory keys with the
complex music of Bach and Mozart and Beethoven, and he became one with
the cadence, breathing with the crescendos, his fingers caressing the
melody, until everything else faded, everything else disappeared, and
only the music existed.
Dialogue is another
area where we have the opportunity to show or to tell. "I love you,"
she crooned. Creative dialogue tags like crooned cheat your reader. It
tells your readers what your dialogue should show them. Let the power
of your dialogue and the accompanying action show your reader the tone
of voice and the emotion, don't tell them. Consider: "I love you," she
said, her voice smooth as her fingers massaged him.
You can't tell us
someone is a wonderful person, a talented musician or a spoiled child.
We won't believe you. You must show us. Throughout your manuscript,
look for any opportunity to show us in real time, to act out, to let us
feel. The difference will amaze you.
At Inspiration for
Writers, we transform your manuscript from telling to showing with our Editorial Services. Find out how
our editing can help you with your writing career.
For additional
tips, worksheets, and discussions, order your own copy of the
Inspiration for Writers Tips and Techniques Workbook.
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