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Techniques
Dialogue
Tags
"Just be like that," she pouted.
"Oh, come on," he groaned. "Not this
again."
"You don't love me," she replied.
"Right," he snarled. "That's why I bought
you an eight hundred dollar diamond."
"Here," she sobbed. "Just take it back.
Take it."
Okay,
what's
wrong with our sample above (other than being melodramatic)?
It's an ailment I like to call "Creative Dialogue Tag Syndrome"—the writer
relies on creative tags (pouted, groaned, replied, snarled, sobbed) so
the reader will know how to interpret the dialogue. What's wrong with
this? Let me count the things:
- The reader must
interpret the tag and evaluate if the dialogue agrees with the tag. At
best, it disrupts the flow. At worst, the reader decides the two are
contradictory and the writer loses credibility.
- It is telling
the reader how the words are said instead of showing.
- If the dialogue
is well-written and the accompanying action is well-chosen, it is
redundant.
- It is annoying.
Consider,
instead:
Shelly's lower lip quivered. "Just be like
that."
Mike rolled his eyes. "Oh, come on," he
said. "Not this again."
"You don't love me."
"Right," he said. "That's why I bought you
an eight hundred dollar diamond."
"Here." She pulled off the ring and shoved
it under his nose. "Just take it back," she said, her voice breaking.
"Take it."
Okay,
so
nothing's going to help our melodrama too much, but let's still
examine the techniques used. We scrapped every creative dialogue tag.
Every one. We replaced each with one of four techniques:
- No tag at all.
This allows the power of the words to stand alone. As long as we know
who's speaking, no law says we must use a tag.
- Action.
"Shelly's lower lip quivered" replaces "she pouted." It's more
specific, it allows us to visualize Shelly, and it's showing, not
telling.
- The prosaic
"said." Yes, "said" is boring. It's overused. In fact, it is so boring
and overused that it's invisible. Just like "the" and "a" and "his" and
other parts of speech that are used several times on each page, "said"
slides right past the reader and allows him to concentrate on what's
important: the action and the dialogue.
- A combination
of "said" and action. This is particularly effective when interrupting
dialogue, as in the last sentence of the after example above.
While
we
are on the topic of dialogue tags, let's also talk about correct
punctuation. If a tag is used (preferably "said," but an occasional
"asked" or "repeated" is permitted), a comma separates the dialogue
from the tag (see examples in sentences 2 and 4 above). If action only
(no tag at all, as in the first sentence in the example) is used, it is
considered a separate and complete sentence and should be punctuated as
such. If it is necessary to interrupt a dialogue sentence, as in the
last sentence in the above example, use the tag and action, thus
allowing a comma instead of a period.
Note:
"I
love you," she smiled, is never correct. "Smiled" cannot be a tag;
it is an action. Therefore, it can be written in one of two ways: "I
love you," she said and smiled. - or - "I love you." She smiled.
If
your
dialogue contains a question, such as: "Who are you?" he asked, it
is not necessary to punctuate with a question mark and use "asked" as a
tag. This is personal choice and personally, I usually use the tag.
Dialogue
is
one of the most important tools a writer has to convey character and
to build plot. Using it effectively means tagging it effectively. Read
the before and after examples given here aloud. Hear the difference.
Hear the redundancy. Hear the invisibility of the hardworking "said."
It
will
be the best friend you ever had.
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for
Writers offers a detailed Manuscript
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